Friday, July 17, 2015

The Otherhood

I'll admit that this post has been sitting in my drafts for a while, but after a seemingly innocuous experience yesterday, I felt compelled to come back to it and finish what I started. Yesterday, I went to get an eye exam and order some new glasses, something that I'd been meaning to do for a while but just hadn't got around to it. I went to the same place I had gone previously, so they had my records. I knew it had been a while, but according to their papers, it had been 5 years since my last exam. *Oops!* So they do my pre-exam (that puff of air in the eyes? Hate it!) and then I go in and get my exam from the optometrist. We chat for a few minutes, him asking me if I've had any notable changes in my vision, any headaches, etc. Then he mentions how long it's been since I've had an exam, and says "You must have children or something that kept you away for so long."

Um, NO! If you know me, then you know that I am NOT and NEVER will be a mother. I calmly told him that no, I had gone to graduate school and got my masters degree, to which he replied, "Well that would keep you busy too." And then we moved on with my exam (side note, my vision really hasn't changed, but I got new glasses anyways since mine are so old and worn).

Really, I know he said what he did without any sort of condescension, but it's the idea that as a woman, that's the assumption he made. As a childfree-by-choice woman, it's one of the biggest thorns in my side that one of the biggest definitions of womanhood is being a mother. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike children, I have nieces and nephews that I adore. But being a mother is just not something I have a desire to do, just like skydiving and camping.

I know that there are a lot of arguments out there for motherhood, and I'm not going to get into them and my responses, it's been done by others. Just take my word for it, kids are not for me (or my husband, believe me we wouldn't have gotten married if we didn't agree on that point). Not that the optometrist knew that, and at the end of the day it really doesn't matter what he thought. And while I might not ever have kids, in a few weeks I will have some new cool glasses! #NearsightedFTW


  1. Preach! It really sucks that that's the only option out there for females according to some points of view. We're crowded already, so the world doesn't need more mini-me's. LOL I know this post is week's old, but I happened to read it on the same day that I saw another post via another friend on a similar note. Except for her, it's that she pretends she hates kids to mask the fact that she's had trouble conceiving for years and would love to be a mom. So rather than tell a stranger all that, she just goes, "ewww kids" to get people off her back. But again, whether you choose to not have them or just don't have them because you can't, the assumption is that as a female without kids that you're clearly missing something or haven't completed your duty as a woman. *eye roll* On a positive note, yay for new glasses! I'm bad and haven't gotten an eye exam in a while, but my vision didn't change that much from the last time I went, so I was able to fill my prescription for 1/4th the price via an online glasses shop (Zenni) and I just got those last year. I love them. They were cheap enough that I got two pairs and they were cheaper than one pair via my eye doctor back in the day! I love deals! :D

    1. It's funny, so many of our friends/family who are our age (20's-30's) whether they're parents themselves or not, totally get where we're coming from and don't find it odd at all. But ask my mom or someone else older, and they think there's something wrong with us :-/ I can't imagine what your friend is going through, just because I have no desire to have children (obviously), but it sucks that people are so nosy about her reproductive organs that she has to go on the defensive like that.

      My prescription changed just a little, but just enough that when I got my new glasses yesterday, everything was much sharper when I put them on! Chauncey and I both go to America's Best, where they have mix-and-match frames for super cheap and we just use our tax saver card to pay for them, no insurance needed. Now I just have to get used to being able to see clearly! LOL!

    2. I think it is a generational thing. Back then that was life: grow up, get a job, get married, have kids. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. LOL I know I had a friend tell me her Mom asked her if we had any kids yet and my friend said, "no" and the Mom replied, "then why did they get married, then?" LOL It's also silly how people think you being child free means that you hate kids. I actually think it means you love kids enough to know that they deserve a better upbringing than you are willing and able to provide. :)

      That's good you got a good deal. We were paying through the roof out of pocket for glasses until we saw we could get cute frames for cheap online and we switched over and never looked back. As long as we can see, it doesn't matter what brand they are. :D